I am so surprised and stunned that I cannot use
my flight or fight response.
As his knuckles collide with my mandible,
our relationship flashes in my mind.
I don't even feel pain.
It began with a smile. Looking back a bit too sweet.
Then the constant phone calls, texts.
I just thought he REALLY liked me.
But then it started to change.
Showing up at all hours,
searching the house for some
random guy, a guy he imagined.
Yelling at me any time I talked to a friend.
We are yelling, or he is yelling at me,
constantly putting me down.
Tearing away pieces of my esteem, my pride, my soul.
Bit by bit until I actually believe
that I deserve this behavior.
I am not worth anymore than a sac of potatoes.
All the kisses, the apologizes, the flowers, and the poems,
don't bring me much comfort.
Yet I am too forgone to leave.
He will change....
He will change...
He will change...
My head jolts back with the force of a whip.
I lose my balance and fall to the floor.
Except this time there is no apologizes
no kisses, just hateful words as I try to protect
the human growing inside me.
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